Day #2

Well, for the most part I would say my first day back at work was a success. I didn't cry in the morning dropping her off. I didn't sit in the parking lot crying like I thought I would. I was smiling all day (only God knows why, the last place I wanted to be was at work much less away from Allie) and I drove all the way to day care, picked Allie up and got home - all smiling. When I picked Allie up, she gave me a big smile, came home, ate got changed and was still smiling. She was spitting up a bit and there was a little bit of yellow in her spit up so I'll have to watch with that, but other than that - she was happy from her day and happy to see Mom and Dad!
I went to heat up some dinner, sat down as Jason was playing with Allie on her mat. She was babbling - we smiled. She babbled for longer than she ever has before within our earshot...and I just lost it. I had to set my dinner down, the tears were flowing and I didn't see a reason or end in sight. She had never done that before and immediately I thought "did she do that today for Nancy? Did she just do that for us for the first time? I'll never know - Oh My God I'm going to miss everything!!!!" And the tears flowed freely. I got a hold of myself, finished eating and then she did it again and I started crying again. Just thinking about her doing stuff with me not around was just killing me. After the evening went by with tears being held back with much effort - I came around and am at peace with knowing that she's healthy, happy and she does so well at day care. There are lots of things that we will probably "miss" but that she'll do again for us and that will be OUR first time regardless of when HER first time was/is.
The old cliche saying "you never know how much you love something until it's gone" is ringing all too true for me this week.
I am at work for day #2 and I don't feel as energized as yesterday, but in a good way. I think I was just on a rush yesterday and I crashed last night when I finally relaxed. Who knows, maybe I'll cry again tonight, but hopefully it will be tears of happiness and not sadness. If not - some day they will be.
Allie Rae is doing so well at day care! She is taking her morning nap, pooping and eating (very well for both!) and doing a mid-day nap for multiple hours at a time! The other toddlers and kids love her, as does Nancy. I am so thankful that we found her. She gives me a big smile every time I see her and especially in the morning.
This is the rest of my life - get up shortly after 5am, get ready, get the baby up, fed and ready, spend my day wondering how she's doing, what she is eating, if she peed, pooped and is sleeping, etc.... then I get more smiles and cries which are equally as pleasing to me! Then I get to go to bed laying next to the love of my life.
I'd say that's a pretty good life!