Day #2

Well, for the most part I would say my first day back at work was a success. I didn't cry in the morning dropping her off. I didn't sit in the parking lot crying like I thought I would. I was smiling all day (only God knows why, the last place I wanted to be was at work much less away from Allie) and I drove all the way to day care, picked Allie up and got home - all smiling. When I picked Allie up, she gave me a big smile, came home, ate got changed and was still smiling. She was spitting up a bit and there was a little bit of yellow in her spit up so I'll have to watch with that, but other than that - she was happy from her day and happy to see Mom and Dad!
I went to heat up some dinner, sat down as Jason was playing with Allie on her mat. She was babbling - we smiled. She babbled for longer than she ever has before within our earshot...and I just lost it. I had to set my dinner down, the tears were flowing and I didn't see a reason or end in sight. She had never done that before and immediately I thought "did she do that today for Nancy? Did she just do that for us for the first time? I'll never know - Oh My God I'm going to miss everything!!!!" And the tears flowed freely. I got a hold of myself, finished eating and then she did it again and I started crying again. Just thinking about her doing stuff with me not around was just killing me. After the evening went by with tears being held back with much effort - I came around and am at peace with knowing that she's healthy, happy and she does so well at day care. There are lots of things that we will probably "miss" but that she'll do again for us and that will be OUR first time regardless of when HER first time was/is.
The old cliche saying "you never know how much you love something until it's gone" is ringing all too true for me this week.
I am at work for day #2 and I don't feel as energized as yesterday, but in a good way. I think I was just on a rush yesterday and I crashed last night when I finally relaxed. Who knows, maybe I'll cry again tonight, but hopefully it will be tears of happiness and not sadness. If not - some day they will be.
Allie Rae is doing so well at day care! She is taking her morning nap, pooping and eating (very well for both!) and doing a mid-day nap for multiple hours at a time! The other toddlers and kids love her, as does Nancy. I am so thankful that we found her. She gives me a big smile every time I see her and especially in the morning.
This is the rest of my life - get up shortly after 5am, get ready, get the baby up, fed and ready, spend my day wondering how she's doing, what she is eating, if she peed, pooped and is sleeping, etc.... then I get more smiles and cries which are equally as pleasing to me! Then I get to go to bed laying next to the love of my life.
I'd say that's a pretty good life!

Back to "normal"

If there is a normal anymore!?!?!

So, yesterday was not only my 2 year wedding anniversary (yay!!!) but it was also Allie's first day at day-care...and my last day at home before returning to work. Now I am sitting at my desk and I have NO idea what I'm supposed to be doing!

No tears yet. There were some yesterday, but I quickly recovered.

I miss my little baby, but know she is in great hands - all 20 of them! There are 2 toddlers, 2 five year olds and a 6 month old at the day care and they all love baby Allie. She's gave me the lower lip this morning, but I know she is fine. She's fine. I'm just going to keep telling myself that and maybe I'll be fine too!

Times when I'm feeling down...

I would consider myself a fairly content person in life. I have learned that when something is bothering me, if I wait it out, it usually passes. At times that I feel anxious that it won't pass or that it won't get back to normal... my daughter smiles at me or my husband kisses me, or maybe both  - and everything else seems to matter less.

Just a little sap for a perfect Sunday!

1 week left...

Well, here we are with 1 week left until I got back to work. I have been emotional about it to say the least. I get the feeling from Jason that he isn't entirely sympathetic as he has been working almost this whole time, but...I've been home all day every day with Allison-Rae and am not quite sure how next week will go. Allie will start "school" on Monday at Nancy Pease's house (in home day care) and I will start Tuesday back to the office. Already I have found myself not really crying, more like tears randomly streaming down my face. I left Allie at my Mom's for a few hours yesterday so I could go to a baby shower and leaving there was hard for me. I knew she would be fine with my Mom, she would be fine anywhere, but it was me walking out a door without her that made my heart sink. I'll have to do it day after day for just about the rest of her life, but still - the first few times (okay first many many times) are going to be tough...to say the least.
Now, to play catch up - I have pictures below of Allison's first St. Patricks Day, around the house, and some other fun times that I just couldn't help but take [more] pictures of her just laying around.
What is Allie up to now? For over a week now she has been sleeping from about 7-8pm-4-5am!!! She got her first fever of over 99, but under 100 this past Thursday. Turned out to be nothing significant, but it happened to be the day that Jason left for Lake of the Woods with all the boys for a long weekend trip. Jason had been working far away the entire week before so it was as though he had been gone all week already, but being alone in the house knowing that no one would be home soon to help had me pretty worked up. A few texts, phone calls and facebook posts later had me feeling a little bit better. The best medicine for us both though was me holding her in my arms to put her to sleep...and then letting her sleep there for a few more hours! We eventually both went down for the night and had a very exciting weekend. Friday we went to play time at Amma, shopping at Bellies to Babies and Target then home. Saturday we had Avital Coleman's second birthday party where she got lots of love and snuggles from everyone (especially her wardrobe coordinator Allison P - soon to be Wald!!!). From there we stopped over at Niki and Chrisitians house where she received more love and snuggles from all. By the time we got home, I realized that I had not given her the opportunity to nap for more than a half hour at a time since that morning...and was sure we were in for a long evening. 5-6oz of a bottle later and she was sound asleep for the night by 8pm! Sunday we got up early and hung out before going to Grammy's house where she got to play all day! I went to Jill Weber's baby shower where I'm sure people were sick of hearing me blab about Allie the whole time. What can I say, she has been my world for the past 12 weeks and I am officially "that Mom"!
Anyway, the sitting up is getting stronger, the aahhhhs and eeuuus and getting clearer and the smiles are so close to becoming a laugh! I love my little Allie-Rae to the moon and back and have gotten to the other side of the hurdle where I once felt unsure of that little squeaky thing in my house to now not being able to imagine a moment of my day without her.
Yep, crying now - gotta load pictures to distract myself.

Discovering Massey...and Massey discovering Allie's yummy feet!

Not really sure why these are all turned, but oh well - Allie and Mommy!!!

I have an Irish child!

how can you not want to kiss both of them!??!

And Massey too...

Auntie Niki loves on Allie

My Doe-eyed Angel

Love this stretching!

St. Patties Day outfit!

All the entries I've [almost] done!

Man, there are so many times every day that I think to myself "I should write about this on the blog so I don't forget"...and then I don't. I still don't know where the time goes every day and every week. What I do know though is that we are really starting to get the hang of this! We still have our panic moments as parents not knowing what to do or if we should worry or stop worrying, etc... but for the most part I think we're doing pretty well!
Jason of course is an awesome Dad. This is Allie's favorite way to sit - or just be in general. (not sure what happened with this pic, I can't get it to be upright).



I'll tell you one thing for sure though, she is getting big! This is the outfit that her Aunt Jen gave her (one of them at least!). Her legs are about hanging off the ottoman now, before she had ample room above and below her!

Here she is in her Bumbo chair - at 10 weeks she is doing pretty well at wanting to sit up on her own. She can hold her head up really well, but the body is another story! She lasts a few minutes before she really slumps down though.

We have figured out that she is not a huge fan of hats, but here she is with her outfit from Uncle Jared (hating hats) and then the next morning in her outfit from Steph, Chris and Ian (not minding the hat!).

Here we are doing tummy time!



I had to load this one, she is in her outfit from Auntie Desh's Mom (Grandma Pat) but notice her cool new 'do! Thanks to her Father's hairline contribution, her double cowlick has now provided her with a cool mowhawk!



Though she isn't grabbing for things yet, she has an iron fist and once we can open her hand up, putting somthing to hold on to in those little fingers is pretty fun! She has her hands in a fist so often that she gets fuzz and dried milk in there from having her fist in her mouth all that time. Mmmm, that makes for a pretty gnarly smell and is a great queue for bathtime!



As for growth, she is probably close to 11 1/2 pounds now! Allie Rae loves to smile, especially at her Daddy. No real laughs yet, but it won't be long!