Alright - emotional feeling day yesterday/today, but I'll get through - raging hormones aside. So everything and anything could have set me off yesterday. Just telling cute stories made me well up- not even baby related. I think this may have stemmed that on Saturday night, as I was driving Jason home from a friend's party (and yes, he had drank a few) he was "loose" enough to tell me that something I did bothered him a few nights prior.
sidenote: We have some renovations that are being awaited in order to move furniture around in order to get the baby's room set up. Yes, we could just move the guest room furniture downstairs into the living space for the time being, but I would much rather get the bedrooms torn and emptied out to get the bare minimum fixes done just to get the guest room furniture set up in one of those rooms. I don't care if we have carpet in there, just get the old stuff torn out and into a dumpster, dri-lok the concrete half walls and floor - and we'll call it good for the time being!
back to the story: I was given the impression over a month ago that this could be accomplished by the end of October. As of last Wed, this was now not going to be done until at least the end of November if at all by the time the baby is supposed to be here - and even so it would only be one room because the other room involves the wall to the bathroom that has to be completely torn out and rebuilt. Not that I want the whole thing done so quickly for the purpose of having it liveable, I want it done to the point and drills, hammers and dust will not be an issue with a baby in the house - or moldy walls to top that all off!
What I did wrong: So - last week he was talking about doing some side work and bits a pieces with work around the house and I pointed at the baby's room. I didn't say anything, but I must have given the look as though I was saying "do that or else"! He apparently took this as me being pushy (I know, shocker, me being bossy) and it annoyed him. I'll spare you the rest, but instead of getting defensive when he eventually told me about his feelings, I got emotional. I didn't cry, but probably should have because it just made me feel bad that I had let him down, or annoyed him or whatever it was. I briefly explained - while having my back to him so I wouldn't start bawling like a crazy prego lady - that I am 99% consumed by this pregnancy every day, all day and it is all I think about. No, we don't have to have the entire nursery done by the time baby gets here, or even months in advance, however - it gives me anxiety thinking of doing that last minute. I don't want to walk in to our house with a new baby that I have no idea what to do with...wishing that this or that would just be done.
Okay - so yesterday we're watching a super trashy TV show because nothing else is on - Jerseylicious. Alright, I was watching it and Jason was shaking his head in disgust at it. One of the scenes was a guy visiting this private preschool for his toddler. He was saying "well this better be good for my son for 14 grand a year....." all in his New Jersey accent. Jason and I looked at each other in shock - $14k a year?!?!?! I guess we never thought of it that way. In all reality for us - we will be spending much more than that the first few years with the average prices in the Twin Cities. Yeah, we're looking at $15,600 or more. Yahaaaahhhh!!!! How the heck are we supposed to do that?!?! So, then Jason starts saying how maybe he should just plan on not working and just doing his side work and we can at least do a few days a week day care and just not do full time so he can stay home with the baby... Queue the water works!!!!!! So stressful to think about that money and him being "stuck" at home with the baby all the time while I'm off at work. I use stuck lightly because what if I want to be "stuck" at home with the baby?!?! Not saying that I will for sure, but I don't want to put that all on him as though I'm our only source of income!!! Ugh - too overwhelming at that moment so I just started crying. He was so sweet and I told him I was just having a moment, he made me feel better and understood that aside from the shock of dollar signs blaring in my head, we would make it work - people do every day who are in worse shape than us, some in much worse shape.
Moral(s) of the story: save your pennies and don't be bossy....or hold your pregnant tears in, after a while you just can't fight them.
Lesson learned: I love my husband and I should just keep my mouth shut, because he still has yet to let me down on anything - nothing, he's never let me down on anything. He always comes through for everything, and calmly at that. He never expects anything in return so I shouldn't expect so much so quickly. I love him, sometimes just thinking about that makes me cry!
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